Time

I’ve just comprehended a bit of how truly mortal I am.  Not because of some physical milestone I cannot achieve, but because of how I realize how limited my time is.  If 80 years is standard, what am I doing? Why do I not spend every infinitely long moment doing something that matters?

One thing that gets in the way of doing things is school.  So much school.  About than a quarter of most (core region) peoples’ lives are filled with school. That’s already 25% of one’s life, gone. Perhaps it is for good, but it is still passed.

I think that people choose to slack not because they don’t want to do something important, but because they simply do not comprehend how precious it is, this time that the idle within.  This is true with me, as well.  I idle, and wish that I could be doing something great, but truly I could be doing something and choose not to.  It’s an odd thing, how we convince ourselves we can’t do anything about something with the time we could be using to do that very thing. My goodness, I hope that makes sense.

My home recently has become a prison, with me being a minor that is not able to drive.  I want nothing more than to be independent, but I feel this will truly never happen. The times I am most happy are when I am alone, and I fear that this is what will bring me to ruin.  How am I supposed to help others when I am staring at the clouds?  Is that time well spent?  I feel that even leisure is a waste, because our time is most limited. Or is it the opposite, is leisure the only thing that matters? I do not think so.

I pose to myself (and the few of you) all questions, with no answers.  This is how I feel all my thoughts have been recently, unanswered questions.

I feel that the thoughts I spend so much time in have separated me from the rest of the world.  While I am still somewhat social, interaction with humans has become increasingly foreign for me. I don’t know why. I’d like to blame society, but really I know it’s me.

I apologize for the slight incoherence of this post. As fast as I type, I cannot type fast enough to express the thoughts sprinting through my trampled mind.

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